Facebook the Socially Awkward Network

Today is the dvd release of THE SOCIAL NETWORK; the movie that documents the creation of Facebook (and deterioration of the friendship of co-creators Eduardo Saverin and Mark Zuckerberg.) The movie has been embraced by audiences and critics alike. It has also been criticized about how accurate it really is but either way one thing is for sure, it chronicles (ish) something that would forever change the world as we know it.

So for a time let’s think about what the world would be like if Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg had never invented Facebook:

Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg as Saverin and Zuckerberg

1. Ms Betty

Betty White would have never hosted Saturday Night Live

2. Profile Pics
You know the ones, self portraits often containing a sliver of your arm and shot from above or on an angle like this:
Without Facebook society would have no need for this, and therefore be worse off for it

3. Spreading the news fast
There is no such thing as word of mouth anymore. If you want to get a message out fast- like your pregnant or were in a car accident, or are thinking about getting bangs- all you have to do is post it as your status and boom, all of your friends can see it and respond.

4. It has never been easier or more inconspicuous to make people really jealous
Happen to share a cab with Johnny Depp? Got the Hope Diamond for an engagement ring? Finally landed a job that everyone you went to school with covets? It used to be bragging to tell people this kind of thing and how did you bring up the subject? Now you post a picture of Johnny helping you out of the cab, light reflecting off of your hand as you enter CNN and no words need to be said.

5. Facestalking
You can watch your exes (or for that matter favorite celeb's) every move, check out his new girlfriend, and send the pictures of her to your best friends so they can confirm he downgraded. Without Facebook this was considered a crime, now it's a rainy day activity.

6. No more messy Breakups
There was a time, not that long ago, when if you wanted to break up with someone you had to look them in the eye and tell them. They would likely want a reason, there would be tears from your boyfriend, it was all very tramatic. Sure you could've done it over the phone (you know like a Jonas Brother) but this person could then call you back, to avoid the call you'd have to make your mother tell them you weren't there, then your mom's stuck on the phone. Not good but now you have something amazing, you can change your relationship status. Your Boyfriend logs on and see's "Elisa has changed from IN A RELATIONSHIP to SINGLE" Sure it's cold but life's hard, get a helmet.

7. The Delete Button
You know those people you hoped to never see or hear from again from that Summer job you Had when you were 16? Well, since the advent of Facebook meant they could message you there and you never had to give them your phone number or address, the only communication they have with you is through the network. If that is still too much you can delete your friends and all traces of those friends are gone forever. There is no person in this world who has never wanted to do this.


So thank you, young genius zillionairs for these 7 things and many others that make me happy you got dumped and created this site. Sincerly Yours the girl whose first status was "is smarter than Paris Hilton."