A Liar's Autobiography the movie

Last summer I shared the super exciting (at least to me) news that a movie was getting made based on the late Graham Chapman's book A Liar's Autobiography.  After patiently waiting for it to become a reality, I finally watched the film today.   

The film is in extremely limited theatrical release and especially with the storms torture to the city I chose option number 2.  A Liar's Autobiography is also available exclusively through the channel Epix; a channel needless to say I don't have which contains a website I don't subscribe to.  However Epixhd.com  allows free 14 trials and you don't even have to give them payment information and if you choose not to buy, the subscription mearly expires.   Last night, minutes before  the film became available (thankfully I had gotten my internet back a hour or so before) I started my free trial.  Unfortunately, after an hour and a half of stop and starts and barely 15 minutes of actually watching the darn thing, I quit trying for the night and resumed this afternoon with less interruptions (though still not perfect streaming like I get from other sites.)

Disruptions aside, it was everything I could hope for and more.  The fact that it is an animated feature allowed Chapman to be brought back to life and his voice track was created by restored recordings of the auidiobook of the same name. The voices of his fellow Pythons (with the exception of Eric Idle) were  lended to play themselves as well as various other important figures in Chapman's life.  There was even a beautiful moment where currently recorded Michael Palin interrupted dead for over two decades Graham and their animated characters had a cute banter.  It was truly like watching the Monty Python team making something brand new together- you've got to love technology.   Even Idle is included as a nonspeaking character and through the Monty Python recordings that were also lended to the soundtrack.  Though the book was released about a decade before Chapman passed away from cancer, the movie brings a fitting ending by using footage of John Cleese's one of a kind send to his longtime friend at Chapman's 1989 memorial

If you are a fan of Monty Python, you will definitely enjoy A Liar's Autobiography however I think that, much like Chapman himself, it has a broader appeal.  Viewers should always, however, take the title into consideration when watching some of Chapman's more outlandish claims as the book and movie are both more liar then autobiography.

***EpixHD.com bonus: If you can handle the buffering to watch it there, the website also has a documentary about Chapman himself.

BRAZIL, TERRY GILLIAM, AND ME

This week I watched the 1985 sci-fi antiauthoritarian film BRAZIL, which was directed and co written by Terry Gillam. I struggle to say that this was my first time seeing the movie, which has hints of George Orwell's novel 1984, as I once rented it when my friend thought it would be fun to rent every single post-Python film that any member of Monty Python ever made (a failed attempt I might add.) I don't remember it though, and am pretty sure I must have turned it off or completely tuned it out. However, I decided recently that I would give the acclaimed BRAZIL another chance, something that I had recently done with the director himself. This time, not only did I reach the ending, which made me leap out of my seat not once but twice, but I thoroughly enjoy the entire thing.

Perhaps the reason that I didn't enjoy it the first go around was because it was coming after laugh out loud movies like SPLITTING HEIRS and A FISH CALLED WANDA and having something so complicated and though provoking didn't interest me at the time (I was still in school and who wants to think on their day off?) or perhaps, having just come out of a History and Purpose of Government (you know highlights of how great a country we are and how the system works) Class, I had not yet developed my antiestablishment attitudes enough to understand what Gilliam was getting at. While I’m sure both of these are true, I think a lot of it has to do with Gilliam himself or rather how my view of him has changed. When I first saw Python, I proudly proclaimed he was my least favorite member because his cartoons bothered me and he barely appeared in the show. At this point I was only watching Python as pure entertainment but as I delved deeper into the Pythons themselves with Google alerts and books written about them, I realized that my least favorite was actually Terry Jones but sort of ignored Gilliam all together. His directing was visually stunning, and BROTHERS GRIMM was an amazing take on fairy tales but that was as deep into his work as I wanted or needed to go.

After the accident three months ago and subsequent loss of DJ, I mentioned turning to Python to make me smile, when I did I realized the animations were actually worth not fast forwarding and TG did in fact appear in a lot of sketches he was just in heavy makeup and elaborate costumes. Furthermore, he was really funny, sometimes with barely saying a word; he even played the MAD JAILER in THE LIFE OF BRIAN which is my go to scene when I need a quick laugh. around this time I realized that IMAGINARIUM OF DR PARNASSUS was on DVD and put it on hold on Netflix which lead me to read and Youtube interviews about the movie which, along with all of the Python stuff I was watching and new (to me) books that I was reading, made me realize that he was a really fun interview and lead me to go further back. Then I read TUNSNANAIN HOLIDAY which was a book about the making of LIFE OF BRAIN from a fan lucky enough to be invited to the set’s perspective and I learned all about the movie making process and so on and so forth, down the rabbit hole I fell.

Aside from his amazing talent and work ethic here are some of the things I like most about Gilliam.
*He is still married to his only wife, Maggie, whom he met when she was the Python makeup girl and their three children worked with him many times over the years including all three taking part in IMAGINARIUM. Family is very important to me so the fact that it is to him too impresses me. And for the record only two of the five living Pythons are still with their first wives.
*He said in an interview that his biggest fear is not death but rather becoming old. He prides himself on being a child even though he turns 70 this month. I want to be like that, he doesn’t seem to care what people think about him, he likes himself and if you remember WAVING THE FREAK FLAG neither do I.
*Imagination and Imaginarium:
Terry wrote IMAGINARIUM (one of my new favorite movies) which in itself speaks volumes about the imagination the man has. He once mentioned that his mind is so vivid that he actually though that he could fly because all of his instincts told him that he had so, as an adult mind you, he had to lay on the ground and attempt to levitate. He failed but the fact that he tried (without the aid of drugs) made me smile.
*Terry gave up his American Citizenship in the middle of the last decade (he had duel citizenship after he became a citizen of Great Britain in 1968) and kind of said without outright saying it that it was because of George W. Bush. I can’t tell you how many times I said I wanted to move to Canada because of that man so hearing someone actually fulfill my half serious empty promise made me well up with as much pride as when Obama was elected.



This brings us back to BRAZIL. From the time I was a fresh faced first time voter in 2004 (ready to elect the new President, about to change the world) to today a lot of things have happened to make me hate politicians John Edwards and distrust Government so now that movie resonates. Also, it teaches the valuable lesson the life isn’t always the way it appears which, lately, is an idea that I kind of like. An idea that goes along with this line from IMAGINARIUM:

Remember

Nothing's permanent

Not even death

The Short Film taking on the Cursed Raceway

Legend of the “Talladega Raceway Curse.”
The curse has been blamed as the cause of a series of unusual and unpleasant incidents that occurred at the 2.66-mile superspeedway over the years. While things did happen at other tracks, they were never as mystifying or eerie as they were at Talladega.
The story goes that the curse began centuries ago, when Andrew Jackson drove the Indians out of the valley in which the speedway is located today. As the Indians made their trek away from their homeland, a medicine man stood atop a hill, turned toward the valley and put an eternal hex on it.
OK, it makes for a good story, anyway.
But then unsavory things began to happen at the speedway. Driver Bobby Isaac was racing Bud Moore’s Ford when he claimed he heard a voice telling him to get out of the car, which he did. Driver Larry Smith clipped the wall in the third turn in what everyone assumed was a minor mishap. Smith was killed. He had removed the padding from his helmet to protect his pompadour.

Several cars were mysteriously sabotaged while under lock and key on the eve of a race. A driver’s mother was struck and killed by a pickup truck in the paddock area while her son was racing. Two drivers, nearly a straightaway apart and the only ones on the track during practice, mysteriously managed to crash. An ARCA driver barely outran a tornado that roared along the back straightaway during qualifying.
During a race, Jimmy Horton and Stanley Smith were involved in a crash that sent Horton’s car soaring over the wall. It ended up a shattered hulk outside the speedway. Remarkably, he was unhurt but Smith sustained serious injuries.
In 1993, Davey Allison lost his life in a freakish accident that occurred while he was trying to land his helicopter in the infield. His passenger, Red Farmer, suffered major injuries.

I am not a racing fan, and I have never even seen TALLEDEGA NIGHTS: THE LEGEND OF RICKY BOBBY starring Will Farrell, so I didn’t know this. In fact I have never seen a race, not even a part of a race. I am so oblivious when it comes to the sport I wouldn’t even know what a part would be called; inning? Round maybe? Whatever it is I can honestly say I have no interest in ever seeing one. For this reason, it seems kind of strange that I would be talking about a movie based around this premise but I am anyway.

The short film grabbed my attention because it combined several things that I enjoy. It was directed by the eccentric but brilliant Terry Gilliam (Brazil, Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus) and stars actor Justin Kirk, probably best known to audiences as Andy on WEEDS but who grabbed my attention when he starred in the indie play turned film LOVE, VALOUR, COMPASSION and made me a forever fan with his underrated portrail of Prior in HBO’s ANGELS IN AMERICA. The 18 minute story, turned out to be a comedy done in a mockumentary style (great for horror averse people like me) and, best of all, you don’t need to like NASCAR or even know anything about it to enjoy.

To see it for yourself go to

http://www.LegendofHallowdega.com/

where it is free to view, another plus!

It’s astounding…

A week and a half ago NewCorp, the parent company of Fox, pulled its programming from Cablevision (as well as other service providers) in an attempt to blackmail more money for themselves. Fox claims they are not being paid fairly and will hold programming until the money dispute is resolved. I can understand this power play, or at least I am used to it; Disney did the same thing back in March during Oscar (Academy Awards not Sesame Street grouch) Weekend. I take issue with NewsCorp’s statement, however, because they have revoked all programming except for FoxNews . Apparently their completely one-sided right-winged propaganda doesn’t cost a thing.

Now I find it irritating, but not at all surprising, that this blackout would coincide with the Major League Baseball playoffs and subsequent World Series airing on Fox (ha ha jokes on you, the Yankees embarrassingly got themselves eliminated.) As I mentioned Disney went out the night before the Oscars but after agreeing to arbitration they returned the Television feed for the Award ceremonies. ABC and its affiliates were out for less than 24 hours whereas this is going on two weeks. So why am I pissed? Tonight is the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW episode of musical-high school comedy GLEE.

So since I (and probably you) cannot watch it, I figured I would share the music that I found on YouTube, enjoy!

Revisting Brokeback Mountain

Recently, probably prompted by watching IMAGINARIUM, I began thinking about Heath Ledger's turn as ENNIS DEL MAR in Brokeback Mountain. Because of this, and the fact that I really haven't had the time to blog lately, I thought I would share an essay I wrote about the short story during a literature class in college. The paper got an A, along with some great feedback from the professor and is even published on the The Association of Young Journalists and Writers Website (Ok I am tooting my own horn but I think pride in a job well done is fine.) Hope you enjoy Anxiety the state of apprehension, physic tension or mental uneasiness caused by fear, as of danger. (The Merriam-Webster Dictionary) Many characters of the “contemporary” period are consumed by anxiety, which often results in a psychological division for the individual. One such character whose life is plagued by this type of ambivalence is Ennis del Mar in Brokeback Mountain. When Ennis met Jack Twist in the summer of 1963, there was a clear connection between the two men that defied any boundaries that society set forth. Even before their first sexual encounter, Ennis had come up behind Jack and held him against his chest, humming quietly and swaying in front of the fire, and after there first awkward, yet intensely passionate night together, it was evident that the men would never be able to quit each other. They never talked about the sex, let it happen, at first only in the tent at night, then in the full daylight with the hot sun striking down, and at evening in the fire glow, quick, rough, laughing and snorting, no lack of noises, but saying not a goddamn word except Ennis said, “I’m not no queer,” and jack jumped in with “Me neither. A one shot thing. Nobody’s business but ours.” Indeed it isn’t anybody’s business but theirs and, alone with only each other and the animals, they were free to love without fear, but in the real world-the world they return to the end of the summer- people tend to pay attention to other people’s business and that’s what concerns Ennis. Ennis’ fear of “being queer”, or having his sexuality being found out about, goes back to his childhood when there was a couple of men, Earl and Rich, who lived together not far from Ennis until tragedy struck. One day Earl was found dead in an irrigation ditch; whoever had done it had taken a tire iron to him, tied him up, and dragged him around by his genitalia until his penis was pulled off. Not only had Ennis heard about this hideous act, but his father had also taken him and his brother to see it and laughed about it, might’ve even done it according to Ennis. Which is why, when Jack brings up the idea of getting a ranch together Ennis declines, saying that all they can do is sneak off together a few times a year because anything more would lead to their deaths. Not that his fears are at all irrational. When Jack went back to Joe Aguirre for a job the following summer, there was clearly homophobia at the root of why he won’t hire him again, saying that Jack and Ennis weren’t paid to leave the sheep with the dogs “while you stemmed the rose.” Furthermore, by the end of the story Jack suffers the same fate as Earl, proving Ennis’ fears were indeed accurate. Being that Ennis finds maintaining a gay relationship with Jack so hard and believes that they are damned if they do, damned if they don’t, one would think that Ennis should forget about Jack and live out his life with his wife, Alma, and their two daughters, Alma Jr. and Francine. He had seemed perfectly content, even if he was not completely successful, with his life for the first four years after his summer on Brokeback Mountain, but once he heard from Jack all of the feelings that he had came rushing back. Still he contented that he was straight. “You know, I was sitting up here all that time trying to figure out of I was-? I know I ain’t . I mean here we both got wives and kids, right? I like doing it with woman, … but ain’t nothing like this. I never had no thoughts a doin it with another guy except I sure wrang it out a hundred times thinking about you,” And adding, “That summer when we split up after we got paid out I had gut cramps so bad I pulled over and tried to puke, thought I ate something bad at that place in Dubois. Took me about a year a figure out it was that I shouldn’t let you out a my sights. Too late then by a long while.” It’s not that he doesn’t love his family, he does love his daughters and he wants to be happy with Alma but there just isn’t anything that comes close to what he feels for Jack, he even wonders if this happens to other people and how do they overcome it. Since he was unable to overcome true emotions, Ennis’ marriage falls apart. Alma had seen the kiss between Jack and her husband, and he never would do anything with her and the girls, but he would always find the time to go fishing with Jack, so she divorced Ennis and remarried. Ennis understood and didn’t have any hard feelings toward her until she accused him of having something more than friendship with “Jack Nasty.” Faced with the accusation of having a homosexual affair, true though it was, Ennis grabs Alma by the arm and begins hurting her and yelling at her. This is the woman that he had, at one time, planned to share his life with and he can’t even manage to tell her of the love that he has for, and with Jack. No matter how much inner anguish Ennis has, he still manages to go up to the mountains with Jack for years, though he does seem to try to avoid it sometimes. On what turns out to be their last week together, in May 1983, the two men have an argument because Ennis says he won’t be able to get together for a week in August as they had planned and blames it on work. This might be indeed the case but Jack reasons “you used to come away easy. It’s like seein the pope now,” and though Ennis isn’t young and can’t just keep quitting jobs when he can’t get off to see Jack the way he had in the past, that coupled with Ennis inner conflict makes me think that he might’ve been trying to stay away from Jack in order to try and salvage a “normal” existence and trick his mind into believing he’s “not queer”. However if that is indeed the case, Ennis can’t mask his feelings, even during the argument; soon the conversation turns to Ennis wanting to know weather or not Jack goes to Mexico to have sex with hustlers. When Jack says yes Ennis ranges on, with a mixture of jealousy and fear, “I got a say this to you one time, Jack…all them things I don’t know could get you killed if I should come to know them.” When Jack fires back that they could’ve had a wonderful life together but Ennis kept that from happening, “then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you’ll kill me for needing it and not hardly never getting it.” And finishes up by saying that he wishes that he could get over him, Ennis falls down to his knees heartbroken. The love he feels for Jack lives on beyond Jack’s death, he even goes to Jack’s parents house and offers to take the ashes up to Brokeback Mountain. However I feel it is only after that meeting, and subsequently finding Jacks shirt hung over his own shirt, that Ennis finally begins to feel comfortable with their relationship. He buys a postcard with a picture of Brokeback Mountain and hangs it over the shirts in his trailer. Though he still doesn’t talk about what existed between them, he has openly acknowledged it with this display. At this time, Jack begins to appear in Ennis’ dreams because Ennis has finally allowed himself to think freely about Jack.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

There are certain movies that have a reputation the proceeds them. Usually it something that generates Oscar talk before it’s completed or the latest in a string of blockbusters like the most recent PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, or the long awaited sequel to something like WALL STREET. IMAGINARIUM was one of these long awaited and much talked about pieces because it had the unfortunate fate of being the late Heath Ledgers final film.


When Ledger past in early 2008, the film was mid shoot and it was mentioned almost as a passing fact; “Ledger, who had been working on Terry Gilliam’s latest film, THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS, was found late this afternoon.” As time went on and sleeping pills were found as part of the lethal (though nothing over intended dosage) combination in Ledger’s system, the film took on the role of scapegoat to some in the media; “Ledger said that the intensity and darkness of his latest role was affecting his sleep.” As summer came, and Ledger’s Oscar winning turn as the Joker in BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT hit theatres it became clear that that role was in fact the one that affected him so adversely. Around the same time, IMAGINARIUM began to make headlines because, in spite of the fact that one of his stars had died without completing his narrative arch, Gilliam had decided to continue the film without reshooting any of Ledger’s existing scenes.


Without any explanation of how this would work out, it also became known that Ledger’s role, Tony, would be completed by not one actor but three headline grabbing A-listers: Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. From a movie goers’ point of view, I think this is what really got interest in the film to peak because even though Gilliam’s phantasmagorical mind and reputation of- I’ll go with unique- narratives in his films made him the only person possible of pulling something like this off, it failed to reason how three men of vastly different ages and looks to pass for the same man portrayed by Ledger, who himself, resembled none of them.


The film was released in theaters in late 2009 but poor timing mixed with my unease with crying uncontrollably in public made me wait for the DVD release and this week, I finally watched it and I was not disappointed. The main points of the film, wanting eternal life and making deals with the Devil have appeared in many stories throughout time but the story of Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) manages to be fresh and exciting as we find out that the price he’s paid for it is his only daughter, Valentina (Lily Cole), who will be taken away by the Devil (Tom Waits) on her 16th birthday. Taking place on the last remaining days before this will occur; Parnassus and his mythical acting troupe must race against time to stop this from happening. The Devil has given Parnassus one last chance to reverse Valentina’s fate; he must get 5 souls to go through the Imaginarium (A magic mirror on the stage that allows patron’s to enter their own imaginations) before he can collect 5 soul of his own. Unfortunately for Parnassus, people are no longer interested in attending his traveling shows but, thanks to the serendipitous meeting with Tony, the mysterious stranger, all hope is not lost as bit by bit, Tony gathers up patrons for the shows and people start entering into the Imaginarium.


The film, not surprisingly for Gilliam, is a wonderland for the eyes as scene after scene becomes increasingly more stunning but the truly beautiful thing is how smoothly it plays. The setting of the film is London and the world of imagination and at the time of Ledger’s death all of his London scenes had been shot so what you see is Heath Ledger’s Tony taking an audience member through the mirror and reappearing on the other side in identical hair and costume but portrayed by Depp, Law, and Farrell as the way Tony is seen in the patron’s imagination. The first time viewers encounter this transformation, Tony is wearing a mask and he goes through about half of the fantasy following around a woman who then removes his mask and we see him stare in awe as his reflection is that of Johnny Depp and not Ledger. This moment for me was a bit of a shock as I truly believed that I was watching Ledger through the entire sequence, and was trying to figure out in my mind if maybe he had managed to shoot it before his death even though it was reported that he had only done the London side of things. The transition from Ledger to Law and later, Ledger to Farrell are just as seamless thought not as shocking once you get the concept.


Though it would seem to be the contrary, this movie is actually really easy to follow and the acting of everyone involved is top notch. I would recommend it to anyone who asked and am personally really glad that the film- billed as a Film by Heath Ledger and Friends rather than the contractual a Terry Gilliam Film- didn’t end up in a trash can.

Dirty Dancing: A Lifetime Love Affair

As early as I can remember, Dirty Dancing was my favorite movie. While other little girls were watching THE LITTLE MERMAID on repeat, I wanted to go fall in love in the Catskills in the 1960s. I wanted to be Baby and I used to dance around the house to TIME OF MY LIFE and pretend that Patrick Swayze was my boyfriend. I was probably still in Preschool but that didn’t matter; I knew that that was what I wanted love to be like when I grew up. What could be more romantic than leaping into your dancer boyfriend’s arms and have him mouth the words to a love song to you as an entire auditorium danced around you?

I obviously didn’t understand many of the other things that happened in the film like illegal abortions, sleazy waiters sleeping around, or what exactly Johnny Castle did to Baby after they danced shirtless in his bedroom. Those realizations came later in life but it didn’t change my thoughts and I continue to count the movie in my favorites, and probably always will.

In my mind Dirty Dancing will always be one of the greatest love stories that has ever been told and perhaps it has ruined me a bit for real life romance. To this day, whenever I have on a nice dress, there is still a part of me that wants to be lifted off of a stage so I can run to my waiting lover’s arms as Jerry Orback realizes that he was wrong and that he really is a good man for me.

Review: Not the Messiah: He's A Very Naughty

Question:
What Do you get when you take Monty Python's Life of Brian, add the collaborators of Spamalot (see my review here) and throw in four members of the original comedy troupe?


Answer:


For the record, I had no idea about this one night only thing and never saw that trailer, but if I had, I assure you I would have piddled (I just saw it for the first time in fact-after seeing the actual film- and almost did.) I had, God I can't even tell you when, heard whispers that, on the heels of Spamalot's success, there would most likely be a musical version of "Brian" (my personal favorite Python film) and that the working title of the project was NOT THE MESSIAH. This didn't really surprise me as Monty Python never seems to miss an opportunity to make a few (million) dollars but I never heard anything else about it and when Spamalot left Broadway due to the ailing economy, all lingering thoughts I had about the (in my own mind) hyped followup left my mind. Because of this, you can imagine the surpirse I expierienced when I came across a DVD of it. Actually Lauren found it while we were riffling through a blowout sale at Blockbuster and promptly shoved the DVD so close to my face I couldn't actually see what exactly it was that was causing her mouth to be agape while she made very strange noises.



As has become apparent lately* I am a big fan of Monty Python so the idea of actually getting to see NOT THE MESSIAH sort of made my year day. Python is an amazing excuse to laugh until you cry and, having just lost DJ and with the accident not yet resolved, having something new from them was exactly what I needed, so while nobody piddled we did jump up and down like lottery winners while squeeking like Jonas Brothers fans we did pop it in the DVD player as soon as Ms. Baby was napping. The credit began to roll and we found out that Eric Idle starred in it and that there were guest apperances** by Michael Palin, Terry Jones (who by the way has a daughter GiGi's age, yes really,) and Terry Gilliam (who some people strangely think of as a director and not the "lumps of it" guy) I was pretty sure I had found the greatest find in all the world.



It wasn't.


Not that it wasn't good, it's just that it is an opera and I really can't take opera. The plot is good and, when not sung in that register, the songs are great. If they make it a musical I will be there opening night and for who knows how many other performances (see the comments here) but until then I'll probably stick with THE LIFE OF BRIAN. The best part of it was seeing the Pythons back on stage together (although it makes me long for a true reunion show that will most likely never happen) and they even ended with the Lumberjack sketch! Also, I feel my life has become somehow more enriched by seeing this.



So do I recommend the film to Python fans, in spite of my personal reservations, yes. I may be an uncultured "tart" because of the opera thing and that shouldn't stop anyone else from enjoying this event of a lifetime.


*Full details of how I became a fan of Python as a college Freshman can be found here. My recent resurgence, however, can be directly linked to David Cook, or rather a lack of him. Next month will mark one year since the last concert I attended and his second album still has no release date. I understand these things take time but I need something to distract me from all the nothing that is going on. It is just impossible to obsess over something that isn't there and not healthy to worry about his career as if it was my unborn child. So I did what I usually do, I went for a distraction that I knew wasn't going to make me forget DC.


**For the record John Cleese did not appear due to a previous commitment that was either his ALIMONY TOUR or his hip replacement, depending on the source you read and Graham Chapman has refused to be a part of anything to do with Python ever since his death.

Beach Reading: Back Where He Started From

If you want a twist on your typical, Guy leaves wife for secretary story read BACK WHERE HE STARTED.

Editorial Review From Amazon.com

Product Description

They say true freedom arrives when all the kids are gone and the dog dies. With his family grown and his husband Zack having decided to become a middle-aged cliché and marry his secretary, Chris Thayer is about to discover that starting life over at 48 is just as complicated, frustrating and thrilling as the first time around. After relocating to the North Carolina beach community of Emerald Isle, Chris finds a new appreciation of his role as the heart of the home to his grown children and becomes involved in the patchwork lives of his neighbors. To his unending surprise, he also finds himself the object of a new man's affections, a rowdy jack-of-all-trades with an unnervingly direct stare.

Now, I know what you are thinking, in the words of my best friend's Grandma Billie "they're queers!"


Dirty little secret, straight girls love gay men. Why is this a dirty little secret? They only share it with their closest friends and guys are completely clueless. So, after ordering a book based on the Critically Acclaimed TV Series QUEER AS FOLK, this book was recommended for me and since I have no problem reading such a story, and I was in the middle of the cold winter, I immediately ran to my local library and picked up this story that allowed me to escape to the warmth of the beach.


As far as I can remember, though it has been a few years, there were no gratuitous sex scenes that would gross out anyone who can't picture a love scene with two men. There is some kissing and maybe heavy petting but, as the lead character's name is Chris, I suppose you can pretend he's a she if need be. The point is, it is a really sweet story that teaches that family is more than just blood and, with just a bit of imagination, is visually stunning.


I recommend it for sitting on a beach as the waves crash around you or for anyone longing to feel like they are, while sitting anywhere else.

Team someone should call child protection services…

****Warning there is going to be a lot of snark and bitching in this post****

This week, Lauren and I did our usual Tuesday night movie night ritual (future post about that), going to see THE TWILIGHT SAGE: ECLIPSE. This is the third installment of the 4 book/ 5 movie TWILIGHT franchise, marking the third time I’ve come out of these movies wondering how these films/ books are a worldwide phenomena.

In the past I have tried and failed with the world wide phenomena book turned movie franchises. There was the wildly successful LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy which I found too boring and complicated for my barely teenage brain to want to follow. This was followed by HARRY POTTER AND THE MORE THAN A DECADE IT TAKES TO COMPLETE SEVEN YEARS OF SCHOOL, which was never really for me either. I understood the premise of these and, having friends who read and/ or watch both sagas, sometimes was interested in stories of them I just preferred not to take part in the mass hysteria because of the boring parts. But TWILIGHT is different, TWILIGHT intrigues me.

The basic premise of the saga, in case you live in Narnia or on the moon, is there is a girl caught in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf. I like love triangles and, being a fan of TRUE BLOOD, figured that the mythical elements of the story might be allegorical for some very real form of teenage angst. After three films I realize it is not. But this isn’t my issue either, I like mythical stuff. My problems with these stories (including the parts that haven’t been released thanks to Lauren telling me the plot of BREAKING DAWN) break down to three main issues: breaking pre-established rules, plagiarism, and total lack of any foundation in life.

Breaking the Rules:

Vampires don’t sparkle. Tales about the damned have existed for centuries and yet the Cullens (and later the rest of the vampires in the series) are the only ones to glow like fairy princesses every time the sun shines on their pale skin. Which brings us to my next point, vampires can’t go out until the sun goes down. Not because their skin get’s a bit of a shimmer to it but because they are so purely evil and so beyond the salvation of God that when light shines on them they burn up from the inside out.

Plagiarism:

Whatever author Stephanie Meyer didn’t completely make up in her head, she lifted off of other stories. The similarities to TRUE BLOOD alone are uncanny. Both have a love triangle. Bella must choose between Vampire Edward and Shape-shifter Jacob. TB’s Sookie Stackhouse spend most of season one deciding between Vampire Bill and Shape-shifter Sam. And by the way, before Charlene Harris wrote the TRUE BLOOD books there was no such thing as a shape-shifter, there was only werewolves*. The latest thievery occurred when Ms. Meyer wrote a novella, THE SHORT SECOND LIFE OF BREE TANNER, which tells the story of the (after) life and love of a teenage girl turned vampire which is the exact plot line of TB’s Jessica.

Lack of Foundation in Life:

If there is one thing that I cannot stand is a movie that breaks pre-established rules. I understand that these movies are a fantasy; however, these people are supposedly living in our world so our rules apply. Bella’s mom got married in the first part, sending her to live with her Police Chief father. So far so good. Almost immediately, and throughout the franchise, weird things start to happen like animal attacks and teenagers disappearing. Nobody knows that these things happen more than the police yet Bella is allowed to run around at all hours of the day and night, hang out in the woods, and even goes away for days without her father giving her a can of mace. Yet we are supposed to believe that her father is a good and loving father because he gets angry when Edward breaks his little girls heart?

And while it is true he shoots the sparkly one a few cold glances; he never tells Bella she can’t date him. He never tries to stop it, even when she repeatedly comes home with horrible injuries she has sustained from being a bystander to the Good Vampire v. Bad Vampire war. If we are to believe that Chief Head up His Booty has no idea that mythical creatures exist, than clearly Edward is an abusive boyfriend.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that Bella’s post-college plans aren’t questioned, but it still does. She will be turned into a vampire but says that she is going to go to college in Alaska (because who wouldn’t want to do that) and will never be able to visit again. Shouldn’t this be a red flag for dear old dad? I mean shouldn’t this be the point when he goes to her supposedly best friend Jacob (who is never questioned about his lack of ever wearing a shirt) and ask if he’s noticed any odd behavior from Bella?

And while I’m on the topic of Jacob, he says that he will try to protect Bella until her heart stops beating but then, why doesn’t he do everything in his power to stop? Apparently there is some sort of code of silence among mythical not to talk about being mythical (you know like Fight Club?) so he can’t just say, “Sir I don’t think Edward and Bella are right for each other because he’s a vampire and if we don’t do something to stop this, she’s going to be one to.” I’m fine with that because I personally don’t think anyone would believe that but what about, “Edward is trying to kill Bella and if you don’t stop him, she’ll let him because she’s blinded by love.” ?

I’d love to complain about how no girl would choose to drink blood and never experience adult life over growing old in the arms of the more attractive (and alive) boy, the hear wants what it wants so it’s not technically a lack of reality based foundation.

Now will I see Breaking Dawn? Absolutely! I’ve seen more than half of the saga so it seems stupid to quit now. Also, I am not a quitter and, besides, maybe I’ll find a deeper meaning to the senselessness and if not, at least more to be baffled about.

*The difference: Werewolves turn due to stages of the moon after being bitten by another werewolf whereas shape-shifters have a genetic thing that enables a change that they can control.