WASHINGTON DC: Comedy of errors

There are things that happen in life that make you think, “If my life were a comedy, this would make the blooper reel.” Sometimes it is the things that make you laugh and sometimes it’s the laughs that keeping you from crying. This trip was loaded with both.

1. When visiting the SHAKESPEARE LIBRARY we were surprised to find that there are no actual Shakespearian artifacts, only that of his contemporaries.

2. The way I feel about David Cook is pretty transparent. He is, among other things, my favorite singer and I have, as you know, gone to extraordinary lengths to see him. So explain to me why would I ignore him?

On Race day David was being annoyed by fans. I say annoyed because, as if it shouldn’t be common courtesy, members of David’s team are told that the day is about the Race and in the spirit of keeping everything on time, that he should not be asked for hugs, hugging pictures, or autographs but indeed there were about ten people who didn’t think they should follow the rule. Aside from everything else, I know that it is an emotional day for him so I wouldn’t bother him anyway. I had to pass him and the hounding fans to get my team bracelet and, to my surprise, as I passed he said hello and threw his arm out for a hug. It never occurred to me, until I completely brushed by him, that he was aiming for me. His brother said, “Ooh shut down,” and David laughed, “Yeah, I guess not.” I didn’t want to go back and pity-hug him so I just yelled really loudly, “I needed my bracelet.” I think there was a part of Lauren that wanted to slap me, and probably still does.

3. Saturday Night, after a great soak in the pool and hot tub, it occurred to us that our wet bathing suits would never dry so we decided to throw them in the Guest Landry Dryer. After our showers we went down to do this (in jammies) and realized there wasn’t a change machine so Lauren went to the lobby for quarters, while I was to wait in the glass laundry room that is located inside the gym. The gym had a TV and it was playing the royal wedding so went into the middle of the gym and stood there watching until I realized it would look weird just standing there so I went on a treadmill. In my pajamas- and flip flops- with a towel over my shoulders so my wet hair didn’t wet my shirt; again I did this to NOT look weird. Then Lauren came back and I realized she had her towel around her head in a hair turban and had worn it that way to the check in desk; there is always someone weirder.

4. While waiting for Sunday’s dinner to cook, I ran to the lobby bathroom, outside of which a middle aged Italian man in a suit told me I was beautiful which I am sure had nothing to do with my low cut top and asked why I was in town. I responded the Brain Cancer race and thanked him, saying I was leaving (hint leave me alone.) He told me that I was more beautiful than all the women he knew at home (Italy) and asked for my number. He creeped me out so I said sorry and that I am engaged to the chair of the race, which is why he wasn’t there, but would be meeting me at the airport. He believed me and was very apologetic but if word comes out that David Cook is engaged to a blond, sorry world that was just me.

5. Megabus going down

Going anywhere in NYC during rush hour means traffic so it wasn’t really a problem that our 9:30 am bus didn’t even arrive at our bus stop until 9:45. Whatever, it happens. However many hours later Lauren decided to plug in her iPod charger in the outlets Megabus loves to brag they have and, much like last year, the outlet was dead. Annoyed, she unplugged it and half of her charger remained in the wall.

6. Megabus coming home

Sunday night we ate an early dinner so we prepared to snack on the bus with chips and an obscene amount of bottles of water which we swiped from the race Along with this, we were filled to the brim from a day of staying hydrated but not to worry, Megabuses have bathrooms. Guess what? Right after the bus played it’s welcome video- including how the bus was thoroughly inspected before every journey- passengers were informed there was good news and bad news. Good news: we were not making a stop to pick up or drop off in Baltimore as scheduled. Bad News: the toilet wasn’t working, but we would make a rest stop at some point. An hour (and short nap later) my bladder was exploding and Lauren told me just to go and not flush. I actually responded that I wasn’t sure if I should because, “I didn’t want to get in trouble.” You know because I am a five year old and in kindergarten! I did however risk the “trouble” and went.

We stopped at the rest stop around 10 pm (or as most Americans new it the time Obama was announcing that US troops killed Osama Bin Ladden.) While wandering around deciding if we wanted snacks, I noticed CNN was on the TVs and said, “Hey look CNN, oh whatever, I don’t care, if it’s important I will hear it tomorrow.” When we entered the Lincoln Tunnel not long later, and ever lane was lined with five police cars on either side, my jaded New York self thought nothing of it, and neither of these events clicked into my head as related or anything big until my mother told me what had happened when I called her to tell her that I was taking a cab from Manhattan to the Bronx (spending triple what I would have on the train I was planning on taking home) to save time, so I could go to bed. And of course the driver was Middle Eastern, and no they are not all terrorists but some of them are, so rather than telling Lauren sitting next to me what my mom had said, I texted her, “DON’T REACT AT ALL…WE KILLED BIN LADDEN.”

Just that day, we had been in the NEWSEUM looking at 9-11 remains and trust me when I tell you, it was so hard not to cheer, but while we may be nuts, we aren’t stupid.

WASHINGTON DC: Rest Day

It might seem, since I decided to return home on the day of the Race for Hope and allowed myself to be duped by a “non spicy” quesadilla at the Potomac again, that I learned nothing from the 2010 trip to Washington DC. This is actually not true; the one lesson I hung onto was the important of resting the night before the Race. That meant, no matter what happened (or what we would miss doing as a result) Saturday absolutely had to be semi relaxing. We set an alarm for 10:30, which compared to the 6:55 alarms we are used to, was like sleeping the day away.

We managed to wake up 15 minutes early, dress, eat, not forget the list of addresses we might want to hit, and get into Washington by, I believe, noon. The one thing we could agree we both absolutely wanted to visit was the SHAKESPEARE GALLERY so we stopped at the Smithsonian castle for directions and a pee and were given a map to help us in case we got confused. It was a bit of a long walk and, much like last year, directions were a tad unclear which led to Lauren and I getting a bit off track and bickering through the streets of DC. If you know us, this probably doesn’t come as a surprise but we did figure out our way and ended up with a more scenic rout, even if it wasn’t the fastest. After Shakespeare, our next intended stop to visit was Constitution Gardens, which were a decent distance away so in the meantime we stopped at two Smithsonians.

Smithsonian American Art Museum

This is actually divided into two buildings, and we choose to view the older pieces to view. We wandered around looking at Renaissance sculptures, Italian period pieces, and split (because we are cheap) an amazing roasted turkey Lunch, with mash potatoes and orzo sides and chocolate milks (because we are apparently five year olds.) However, the best part of the visit had to be the conversation we had with a guard in the photography section. First I must say that every worker in the museum has an attitude problem; not just with us, but we over heard them sassing with other visitors as well. Anyway, so when you enter the Photography Section (which I wouldn’t recommend- it was small and boring) there are big signs that say, “Please no use of phones of cameras in this section.” So I enter, camera in hand, and Good Sir Hates-his-job Von Bitchy says, “Notice the sign,” Lauren reads out loud that there is no use of phones, I don’t look at all, and then we say, “Oh cool but we can take pictures.” The look on his face was priceless as he said, “No ma’ams.”

When we were done we headed over to the Smithsonian National Museum of American History, which we visited last year but they update the pop culture section regularly and currently is doing a display on the year 1939 that is plastered with huge headlines, artifacts (like the Ruby Red Slippers from Wizard of Oz,) and every Time Magazine cover from the year. Pretty cool if you ask me.

By late afternoon we made it to the gardens and then headed homeward to eat dinner and get some time in the hot tub. It is easy to call it an early day when you have that to go home to.

WASHINGTON DC: PHOTOS

Washington DC: Hotel Eating

A lot of people, I would think, liked to plan itineraries when they travel somewhere, especially if they are trying to squeeze in as much as possible in a short amount of time. I am not one of these people, however, because I feel like my inability to estimate time and preference to meander would lead to disappointment. I’d rather have fun at one place than continue to rush to get through a schedule. Instead, Lauren and went back and forth mentioning things to do between our estimated arrival in DC and the Cook concert, about 4-5 hours, and settled on “something” as the plan. After 5 hours on a bus, with only a bagel, a cup of coffee, and a bottle of water inside of us by 2:30 it became clear that all we wanted to do was eat. Which is exactly what we did, right after hopping in a cab, checking into the hotel, and picking up race gear; we get distracted easily.

We decided on eating at the Potomac Bar and Grill which, you may recall was located in the hotel lobby last year. We came to this decision for two reasons, the Crown Plaza was located next door to the pickup location and also because of the Happy Hour appetizer menu we had enjoyed so much a year ago. The mouthwatering pulled pork sliders, fried ravioli, and mozzarella sticks were no longer offered so we decided on Potato Skins (not my favorite food but how could you screw that up,) Pot Stickers (they are delicious at Costco,) and Chicken Quesadilla Rolls (which I was told were not as spicy as the Steak Quesadilla and because it meant eating that delicious Guacamole again.) the Potato Skins might have been the greatest that I have ever tasted, but sadly the Pot Stickers were underwhelming. The Quesadilla Rolls were golden brown and crunchy but, unless the steak quesadilla recipe has been changed, the waitress was insane. After a few bites of the extremely spicy filling, Lauren said she was expecting fire to shoot out of her mouth, and though I felt the Guac neutralized it a bit, she quit with 2/3 of them left. Nobody screamed for milk but we did each finish up the meal with the Apple Crumb pie with Vanilla Ice Cream which was even better than last year.

Both Saturday’s Breakfast and Sunday’s dinners were eaten at out hotel, the MARRIOTT COURTYARD in Crystal City, Va. From the sparse breakfast menu we both decided on the French toast which was, as advertised, a generous portion served with strawberries and fresh maple syrup. The syrup was delicious as were the berries but the bread was whole wheat, I would have preferred white bread but the Coffee was Starbucks Verona Bold and that’s all that really mattered. When it came to dinner the next night, we decided to eat burgers there because it seemed all the Crystal City fast food restaurants (and for that matter most of Crystal City) are closed on Sunday. The French fries were okay but the burger patty resembled something from McDonalds and had almost no flavor. I was expecting something not resembling cardboard and if I ever stayed there again (which I definitely would do or recommend others do since aside from no food options the Hotel was lovely, the staff kind, and the hot tub and pool delightful) I will make sure to eat all of my meals somewhere else. I will give the café credit for one thing, the offer Starbucks coffee until 10 or 11 at night, which is important since Crystal City seems to believe people don’t drink coffee in the evening so they close their shops mid afternoon.